In high school, I did not have a place. I had friends, but nearly all of them disliked me. At least, back then they did. I don't know what they think of me now, because I've decided to completely ignore all except 3 people I knew back then. It really sucked that much. I couldn't even find good companionship in my Jewish youth group, which is also partly responsible for the music I listen to now. Strange how you can't find brotherhood in a brotherhood. This being disliked by the grand majority put me in a very weird place. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to go. I was just kind of there. I guess "angst" could be the word to describe this point in my life. Thus, my life was dictated by this angst, or (if "angst" is the wrong adjective) this weird place I was in.
Another thing I did in high school was read a book called "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto" by Chuck Klosterman. This book is responsible for my current taste in music. Well, maybe not really. Let me rephrase: this book made me take a second look at the music I listened to. And, it undoubtedly affected my opinion of music for years and years to come.
I have and probably will always say that music is my life. I say "probably" because I'm a Jewnostic. I'm an unsure person. It's a true now as it was back when I was a teenager. The "music is my life" thing, I mean. Probably the Jewnostic thing, too.
ANYWAY, because I was in this weird place, I listened to weird music. Not bands like Primus or That One Guy. That's weird music, which is actually a genre. No, I listened to bands like Papa Roach, KoRn, and Limp Bizkit. Yes, I listened to Limp Bizkit in high school.
Nu Metal was, basically, metal. What made it different was that the guys who played in Nu Metal bands liked Hip Hop. Because they liked Hip Hop, the genres sensibilities and focus on the beat of the music found it's way into the distorted, electric, fast stuff they were playing. They themselves listened to bands Metallica and Anthrax, but they also listened to NWA and Wu Tang. A great example of this mixture is the song "Freak On A Leash" by KoRn. In the middle of it, there's this weird breakdown where Jonathan Davis does a "noise rap". He babbles fake words in a rhythmic pattern while the other instruments do their clean breakdown thing. While he's not actually saying anything, it's almost like he's rapping. Then the chorus kicks back in and the headbanging begins.
Early in my music fandom, I listened to bands that fell into either Nu Metal or Pop Punk genres. Kind of a strange combination, even though both are related in a strange way. Teenage angst is what's being made clear in these genres. The difference is that guys who are 18 to 24 are in Pop Punk bands, and guys who are 27 to 36 are in Nu Metal bands. Maybe it's just me, but there is something inherently wrong with someone who hasn't been a teenager for 10+ years singing about teen angst. At the very least, there's something wrong with being 17 and getting that message from music created by very un-teenagers. Mr. Davis was, I think, 30 or 31 when "Freak On A Leash" came out.
What did I like about Papa Roach, KoRn, and Limp Bizkit? Honestly, I haven't a fucking clue. I liked Limp Bizkit because I had "friends" who liked them. Just like the teen angst-y music I liked was created by un-teenagers, my musical taste had been created by my un-friends in high school. Like this one guy, Jake. I knew he, for a time, rocked a shirt with a backwards red hat and a microphone on it, the symbol of the Nookie. Then, as soon as I started liking them, he starts listening to Hardcore and Ska. Not at the same time, though. He was also in my Jewish youth group, and was one of the many who hated me for no reason. Although I despise him for what he did back then, I can't deny that he had good taste in music way before I did. I've always been late to the punch.
It was around the same time that I discovered Ska music. But, I discovered (apparently) way after everyone else I knew did. Once I started liking it, it became uncool. Now, their opinion wasn't really influenced by my liking at all. They just liked it, then didn't. I came in when everyone else went out. They started listening to bands like Vega and HORSE the band. Screamed vocals and breakdowns and so forth. I now enjoy that music too. Just now, I'm open about it because I know that I better rep the music I like. And, to tie it all in, I don't really care whether or not I'm late to the punch.
Back to what I was saying before. Thinking about it now, I didn't have a clue as to why I liked any of the bands I listened to at that time. Really, I payed more attention to the band members themselves than the music or lyrics. Mark, Tom, and Travis were funny dudes who loved to play pop punk, and I admired them for that. Jonathan Davis was just a weird/funny guy who wore a kilt and played bagpipes even though he performed Metal. Pretty cool. KoRn also starred in an episode of South Park, and that helped a bit. I'm pretty sure I liked Limp Bizkit because of Fred Durst and Wes Borland. More because of Wes, after I discovered that Fred was a douche. It was all the facepaint, dude.
A lot of my musical tastes then were based on the fact that none of these bands were Country. I was one of those people who said, "I listen to everything except Country." It's actually a really crappy thing to do, completely ignore an entire genre based on almost nothing at all. Then, probably in the middle of high school, I picked up this book by Chuck Klosterman. One of the chapters deals with how he likes the Dixie Chicks. In part of the chapter, he goes into how people say they listen to everything except Country when Country is actually one of the most honest and sincere genres of music. People singing about their everyday lives and simple dreams and so forth. I haven't read the book in a while, so please don't hate me, Chuck, if I get the point wrong. What I took from it is that I should really inspect the music I listen to. And, not automatically hate something because other people don't like it. The odd thing is, the first CD I ever remember purchasing was a double live album by Garth Brooks. And the thunder rolls...
Music is a huge part of my life, so much so that I would go as far as to say I define myself with music sometimes. I read what he wrote, and I took a look at what I listened to. The music I listened to was just... not me. Sure, "Last Resort" is cool and all, but I really didn't need to hear a song about suicide and anger at everything. I wasn't even suicidal. I just liked punching my fists out and banging my head. But that song really didn't serve any purpose in my life. Neither did "Broken Home" or "Blood Brothers". It didn't help that it was all being sung by a dude named Coby Dick (not his real name, but that's what he went by on their first album). My Nu Metal-ness digressed, and I began to dislike any band that had older members singing about young problems, which happens in many other genres besides Nu Metal. Actually, it's just mostly Post-Grunge.
I still listen to bands like Linkin Park and Papa Roach. I get nostalgic, like, "Hey, I used to really like this band!" I still listen to many bands I did in high school. The main difference is that a good amount of them provide more than just nostalgia to me. For instance, take The Starting Line. I listened to their album "Say It Like You Mean It" like a month ago, and it's still probably one of the most amazing albums I've ever heard. It's also one of the few albums I would classify as Emo (at least, in the realm of music I currently listen to). I don't like the term "Emo" at all, but that album really touched me on a personal level. Kenny Vasoli was and is such a great songwriter that he was able to make me connect to a song called "Left Coast Envy" when I actually lived on the left coast. Music that sticks with you then will stick with you now. Linkin Park is another good example. They are still pretty cool to me, especially since they went beyond the Nu Metal boundaries and really embraced their Electronic and Hip Hop side. I mean, I of course love hard and heavy Linkin Park, but I thought Minutes To Midnight was a really great album. Transitional albums are always a tricky thing for bands. It was their first album where they really broke away from their heavier stuff. While most would see that as possibly an alienation of their fanbase, I saw it as just another step in their own evolution. I've yet to listen to A Thousand Suns, but I will take the time to when I do. I'm a fan.
Papa Roach does suck, though.
However, the old/young thing wasn't the only characteristic I became critical of in music. If I wasn't able to connect to a band's music on a personal level, there was no reason to listen to said music.
Best example: even though they came out years after the book, "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs" is the reason I hate bands like Attack Attack! and Breathe Carolina. Those bands in particular are so unreal, because they cram all these extremely different genres into one package. Genres so different, people who like one would no way listen to bands of the other. Screamo, Techno, Hardcore Metal, Crunk Hop. These are genres that aren't necessarily good in their own right anyway, and they take them and hope to create a fan base out of it because it's just crazy that they'd be put together. People hear it, don't know what to think because they don't know what they're listening to, and then buy a shirt out of sheer awe of what just happened. They want fans based on shock value, and that is totally the wrong reason for anyone to start listening to a band. Plus, embracing the term "Crabcore" when it doesn't even describe the music itself is so idiotic. It's not honest. If you don't know what Crabcore is: whenever the guitarists and/or bassists play their Metalcore riffs, they spread and bend their legs as wide and as much as they can, and then sway from side to side while doing a Michael Jackson-esque head nod to the "music". They look like crabs. Interestingly, Crabcore is actually a perfect description of the music: I feel extremely crabby whenever I unfortunately have to listen to it.
I hate music that is widely hated nowadays, too. Like Nickelback or Creed or the Insane Clown Posse. But, there are many bands that are widely hated that I feel don't deserve hatred at all. I get really pissed off when I read some message board and someone posts something like "TOP 10 WORST BANDS EVER" and then list off bands like New Found Glory or Nirvana or Cannibal Corpse or the Bloodhound Gang. I'm sorry, but do you actually listen to any of the bands you just numbered off? No, you're generalizing because you dislike the genre they fit into. New Found Glory automatically sucks because Pop Punk sucks? It's actually really shitty to do that to a band. I've already said that, and I'll say it again. Plus, NFG have been going for a really long time, and have now earned respect because they haven't just gone away like many would. They are making strong, lasting, HONEST music that reflects them and the states they are going through. Actually, their song "Truck Stop Blues" is literally about the states they are going through. Even more interesting to me is that NFG does not fit solely into Pop Punk; they are Pop Punk and Melodic Hardcore.This is a combination that is becoming more popular and widespread, with bands like Four Year Strong, We Are The Union, and Set Your Goals.
But anyway, these people hear one band from one genre and apparently all bands in said genre suck. It's fucking childish. You know why I hate Creed? Because it's just stupid, angry, and whiny lyrics coming out of a near-40 year old. Lyrics a teenage girl could write in her poetry book. Also, I just can't respect a band with no bass player. It's a needed instrument, goddamnit.
You know why I hate Insane Clown Posse? Because I've actually listened to their songs and they're horrible. Lyrics as dumb as "Fuckin magnets, how do they work?" aside, it's just not good music. I don't want to hear about killing people and Faygo soda. It's all in the gimmick and the entertainment factor. People like them because they wear facepaint and it's something to hide behind. Everyone wants to hide themselves when they're 15. But let's not get into the whole Juggalo thing. I know they see it as a way of coming out rather than staying in hiding. The message they're getting from ICP is to be themselves. Yet again, there is the contradiction of being yourself while wearing clown face paint. I guess someone could make the argument that a group like Slipknot does the same thing by "hiding" behind their masks. But, really what they're doing is creating personas for themselves that literally force onlookers to focus on the group as a whole rather than one specific band member. They go by numbers printed on their jumpsuits. They don't have actual names when performing. ICP, however, throw themselves out there and have named themselves. It is a bit the same, but they are communicating two entirely different messages.
The one thing I do like about ICP, though, is this mythos they've created around their music called The Dark Carnival. Each album represents a different Joker Card and a different spirit in the Dark Carnival. Each of their albums is a concept album relating specifically to that spirit. Hate 'em all you want, but to make a connection between all your own works of fiction like that is pretty cool. Not only the albums they have released, but every album they're going to release. To have an overarching plot over things that don't exist yet is spectacular to me. It's the same reason I like The Aquabats, GWAR, and KISS. ICP still doesn't make good music, though.
All this being said, I still listen to a lot of different types of music that conflict with each other. I guess you could say I'm something of a musical hypocrite, even though I'm not really going against any past thing I've said or anything. Let's put it this way: right now, I actively listen to The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Blink-182, The Beatles, Slipknot, Flight Of The Conchords, and Kanye West. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I can listen to lyrics like "Nobody likes you when you're 23," "I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound," and "So much head I woke up in Sleepy Hollow" in the same sitting and not at all be taken aback by what the fuck just happened. I know, right? I will add that you shouldn't take "I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound" at face value (and you never should with song lyrics); it's a metaphor for being in a intimate relationship with someone you absolutely hate. That's how I see it, anyway.
There's two points I'm trying to get across here:
1. I'm very thankful to Chuck Klosterman and "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs" because I really feel it helped better my taste in music.
2. I am still in a weird place. Really weird.
I'm still angst-y. I'm still not sure what to do or where to go in my life. While most would be stressed out in this situation, I'm not. Not anymore. I'm really kinda comfortable like this right now. I've accepted that I just don't know. I'm 23 damn years old. What the hell am I supposed to know right now? I may not know many things about my life, where it's gonna go and so forth, but at least I know that I enjoy music, and I will continue to listen to all its different incarnations as long as I can. Hell, I enjoy searching for the reason as to why I would listen to a song that included the lyric "I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound".
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