Friday, December 3, 2010

I Like The Music I Like Because Of A Man Who Does Not Make Music

In high school, I did not have a place. I had friends, but nearly all of them disliked me. At least, back then they did. I don't know what they think of me now, because I've decided to completely ignore all except 3 people I knew back then. It really sucked that much. I couldn't even find good companionship in my Jewish youth group, which is also partly responsible for the music I listen to now. Strange how you can't find brotherhood in a brotherhood. This being disliked by the grand majority put me in a very weird place. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to go. I was just kind of there. I guess "angst" could be the word to describe this point in my life. Thus, my life was dictated by this angst, or (if "angst" is the wrong adjective) this weird place I was in.

Another thing I did in high school was read a book called "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto" by Chuck Klosterman. This book is responsible for my current taste in music. Well, maybe not really. Let me rephrase: this book made me take a second look at the music I listened to. And, it undoubtedly affected my opinion of music for years and years to come.

I have and probably will always say that music is my life. I say "probably" because I'm a Jewnostic. I'm an unsure person. It's a true now as it was back when I was a teenager. The "music is my life" thing, I mean. Probably the Jewnostic thing, too.

ANYWAY, because I was in this weird place, I listened to weird music. Not bands like Primus or That One Guy. That's weird music, which is actually a genre. No, I listened to bands like Papa Roach, KoRn, and Limp Bizkit. Yes, I listened to Limp Bizkit in high school.

Nu Metal was, basically, metal. What made it different was that the guys who played in Nu Metal bands liked Hip Hop. Because they liked Hip Hop, the genres sensibilities and focus on the beat of the music found it's way into the distorted, electric, fast stuff they were playing. They themselves listened to bands Metallica and Anthrax, but they also listened to NWA and Wu Tang. A great example of this mixture is the song "Freak On A Leash" by KoRn. In the middle of it, there's this weird breakdown where Jonathan Davis does a "noise rap". He babbles fake words in a rhythmic pattern while the other instruments do their clean breakdown thing. While he's not actually saying anything, it's almost like he's rapping. Then the chorus kicks back in and the headbanging begins.

Early in my music fandom, I listened to bands that fell into either Nu Metal or Pop Punk genres. Kind of a strange combination, even though both are related in a strange way. Teenage angst is what's being made clear in these genres. The difference is that guys who are 18 to 24 are in Pop Punk bands, and guys who are 27 to 36 are in Nu Metal bands. Maybe it's just me, but there is something inherently wrong with someone who hasn't been a teenager for 10+ years singing about teen angst. At the very least, there's something wrong with being 17 and getting that message from music created by very un-teenagers. Mr. Davis was, I think, 30 or 31 when "Freak On A Leash" came out.

What did I like about Papa Roach, KoRn, and Limp Bizkit? Honestly, I haven't a fucking clue. I liked Limp Bizkit because I had "friends" who liked them. Just like the teen angst-y music I liked was created by un-teenagers, my musical taste had been created by my un-friends in high school. Like this one guy, Jake. I knew he, for a time, rocked a shirt with a backwards red hat and a microphone on it, the symbol of the Nookie. Then, as soon as I started liking them, he starts listening to Hardcore and Ska. Not at the same time, though. He was also in my Jewish youth group, and was one of the many who hated me for no reason. Although I despise him for what he did back then, I can't deny that he had good taste in music way before I did. I've always been late to the punch.

It was around the same time that I discovered Ska music. But, I discovered (apparently) way after everyone else I knew did. Once I started liking it, it became uncool. Now, their opinion wasn't really influenced by my liking at all. They just liked it, then didn't. I came in when everyone else went out. They started listening to bands like Vega and HORSE the band. Screamed vocals and breakdowns and so forth. I now enjoy that music too. Just now, I'm open about it because I know that I better rep the music I like. And, to tie it all in, I don't really care whether or not I'm late to the punch.

Back to what I was saying before. Thinking about it now, I didn't have a clue as to why I liked any of the bands I listened to at that time. Really, I payed more attention to the band members themselves than the music or lyrics. Mark, Tom, and Travis were funny dudes who loved to play pop punk, and I admired them for that. Jonathan Davis was just a weird/funny guy who wore a kilt and played bagpipes even though he performed Metal. Pretty cool. KoRn also starred in an episode of South Park, and that helped a bit. I'm pretty sure I liked Limp Bizkit because of Fred Durst and Wes Borland. More because of Wes, after I discovered that Fred was a douche. It was all the facepaint, dude.

A lot of my musical tastes then were based on the fact that none of these bands were Country. I was one of those people who said, "I listen to everything except Country." It's actually a really crappy thing to do, completely ignore an entire genre based on almost nothing at all. Then, probably in the middle of high school, I picked up this book by Chuck Klosterman. One of the chapters deals with how he likes the Dixie Chicks. In part of the chapter, he goes into how people say they listen to everything except Country when Country is actually one of the most honest and sincere genres of music. People singing about their everyday lives and simple dreams and so forth. I haven't read the book in a while, so please don't hate me, Chuck, if I get the point wrong. What I took from it is that I should really inspect the music I listen to. And, not automatically hate something because other people don't like it. The odd thing is, the first CD I ever remember purchasing was a double live album by Garth Brooks. And the thunder rolls...

Music is a huge part of my life, so much so that I would go as far as to say I define myself with music sometimes. I read what he wrote, and I took a look at what I listened to. The music I listened to was just... not me. Sure, "Last Resort" is cool and all, but I really didn't need to hear a song about suicide and anger at everything. I wasn't even suicidal. I just liked punching my fists out and banging my head. But that song really didn't serve any purpose in my life. Neither did "Broken Home" or "Blood Brothers". It didn't help that it was all being sung by a dude named Coby Dick (not his real name, but that's what he went by on their first album). My Nu Metal-ness digressed, and I began to dislike any band that had older members singing about young problems, which happens in many other genres besides Nu Metal. Actually, it's just mostly Post-Grunge.

I still listen to bands like Linkin Park and Papa Roach. I get nostalgic, like, "Hey, I used to really like this band!" I still listen to many bands I did in high school. The main difference is that a good amount of them provide more than just nostalgia to me. For instance, take The Starting Line. I listened to their album "Say It Like You Mean It" like a month ago, and it's still probably one of the most amazing albums I've ever heard. It's also one of the few albums I would classify as Emo (at least, in the realm of music I currently listen to). I don't like the term "Emo" at all, but that album really touched me on a personal level. Kenny Vasoli was and is such a great songwriter that he was able to make me connect to a song called "Left Coast Envy" when I actually lived on the left coast. Music that sticks with you then will stick with you now. Linkin Park is another good example. They are still pretty cool to me, especially since they went beyond the Nu Metal boundaries and really embraced their Electronic and Hip Hop side. I mean, I of course love hard and heavy Linkin Park, but I thought Minutes To Midnight was a really great album. Transitional albums are always a tricky thing for bands. It was their first album where they really broke away from their heavier stuff. While most would see that as possibly an alienation of their fanbase, I saw it as just another step in their own evolution. I've yet to listen to A Thousand Suns, but I will take the time to when I do. I'm a fan.

Papa Roach does suck, though.

However, the old/young thing wasn't the only characteristic I became critical of in music. If I wasn't able to connect to a band's music on a personal level, there was no reason to listen to said music.

Best example: even though they came out years after the book, "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs" is the reason I hate bands like Attack Attack! and Breathe Carolina. Those bands in particular are so unreal, because they cram all these extremely different genres into one package. Genres so different, people who like one would no way listen to bands of the other. Screamo, Techno, Hardcore Metal, Crunk Hop. These are genres that aren't necessarily good in their own right anyway, and they take them and hope to create a fan base out of it because it's just crazy that they'd be put together. People hear it, don't know what to think because they don't know what they're listening to, and then buy a shirt out of sheer awe of what just happened. They want fans based on shock value, and that is totally the wrong reason for anyone to start listening to a band. Plus, embracing the term "Crabcore" when it doesn't even describe the music itself is so idiotic. It's not honest. If you don't know what Crabcore is: whenever the guitarists and/or bassists play their Metalcore riffs, they spread and bend their legs as wide and as much as they can, and then sway from side to side while doing a Michael Jackson-esque head nod to the "music". They look like crabs. Interestingly, Crabcore is actually a perfect description of the music: I feel extremely crabby whenever I unfortunately have to listen to it.

I hate music that is widely hated nowadays, too. Like Nickelback or Creed or the Insane Clown Posse. But, there are many bands that are widely hated that I feel don't deserve hatred at all. I get really pissed off when I read some message board and someone posts something like "TOP 10 WORST BANDS EVER" and then list off bands like New Found Glory or Nirvana or Cannibal Corpse or the Bloodhound Gang. I'm sorry, but do you actually listen to any of the bands you just numbered off? No, you're generalizing because you dislike the genre they fit into. New Found Glory automatically sucks because Pop Punk sucks? It's actually really shitty to do that to a band. I've already said that, and I'll say it again. Plus, NFG have been going for a really long time, and have now earned respect because they haven't just gone away like many would. They are making strong, lasting, HONEST music that reflects them and the states they are going through. Actually, their song "Truck Stop Blues" is literally about the states they are going through. Even more interesting to me is that NFG does not fit solely into Pop Punk; they are Pop Punk and Melodic Hardcore.This is a combination that is becoming more popular and widespread, with bands like Four Year Strong, We Are The Union, and Set Your Goals.

But anyway, these people hear one band from one genre and apparently all bands in said genre suck. It's fucking childish. You know why I hate Creed? Because it's just stupid, angry, and whiny lyrics coming out of a near-40 year old. Lyrics a teenage girl could write in her poetry book. Also, I just can't respect a band with no bass player. It's a needed instrument, goddamnit.

You know why I hate Insane Clown Posse? Because I've actually listened to their songs and they're horrible. Lyrics as dumb as "Fuckin magnets, how do they work?" aside, it's just not good music. I don't want to hear about killing people and Faygo soda. It's all in the gimmick and the entertainment factor. People like them because they wear facepaint and it's something to hide behind. Everyone wants to hide themselves when they're 15. But let's not get into the whole Juggalo thing. I know they see it as a way of coming out rather than staying in hiding. The message they're getting from ICP is to be themselves. Yet again, there is the contradiction of being yourself while wearing clown face paint. I guess someone could make the argument that a group like Slipknot does the same thing by "hiding" behind their masks. But, really what they're doing is creating personas for themselves that literally force onlookers to focus on the group as a whole rather than one specific band member. They go by numbers printed on their jumpsuits. They don't have actual names when performing. ICP, however, throw themselves out there and have named themselves. It is a bit the same, but they are communicating two entirely different messages.

The one thing I do like about ICP, though, is this mythos they've created around their music called The Dark Carnival. Each album represents a different Joker Card and a different spirit in the Dark Carnival. Each of their albums is a concept album relating specifically to that spirit. Hate 'em all you want, but to make a connection between all your own works of fiction like that is pretty cool. Not only the albums they have released, but every album they're going to release. To have an overarching plot over things that don't exist yet is spectacular to me. It's the same reason I like The Aquabats, GWAR, and KISS. ICP still doesn't make good music, though.

All this being said, I still listen to a lot of different types of music that conflict with each other. I guess you could say I'm something of a musical hypocrite, even though I'm not really going against any past thing I've said or anything. Let's put it this way: right now, I actively listen to The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Blink-182, The Beatles, Slipknot, Flight Of The Conchords, and Kanye West. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I can listen to lyrics like "Nobody likes you when you're 23," "I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound," and "So much head I woke up in Sleepy Hollow" in the same sitting and not at all be taken aback by what the fuck just happened. I know, right? I will add that you shouldn't take "I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound" at face value (and you never should with song lyrics); it's a metaphor for being in a intimate relationship with someone you absolutely hate. That's how I see it, anyway.

There's two points I'm trying to get across here:
1. I'm very thankful to Chuck Klosterman and "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs" because I really feel it helped better my taste in music.
2. I am still in a weird place. Really weird.

I'm still angst-y. I'm still not sure what to do or where to go in my life. While most would be stressed out in this situation, I'm not. Not anymore. I'm really kinda comfortable like this right now. I've accepted that I just don't know. I'm 23 damn years old. What the hell am I supposed to know right now? I may not know many things about my life, where it's gonna go and so forth, but at least I know that I enjoy music, and I will continue to listen to all its different incarnations as long as I can. Hell, I enjoy searching for the reason as to why I would listen to a song that included the lyric "I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound".

Monday, October 11, 2010

My last published post was in February. Holy god.

So, there's this guy who I don't dislike, but I don't like that much, and he constantly hangs around. He's half-black and half-white guy. What does he do that's so annoying? He constantly brings up his race or lack thereof seeing it as fodder for comedy (i.e. "Dude, look at my skin, I'm not black enough for said stereotype!") He talks about movies a lot, which is alright, but he never stops talking. Ever. He also thinks many are his friends when really he is unfortunately annoying to many. And he always talks about working security at (INCREDIBLY POPULAR ONLINE COMMUNITY), which gets annoying because it's fucking (INCREDIBLY POPULAR ONLINE COMMUNITY).

Since it's getting near Halloween time, he keeps asking me about parties going on and stuff. First off, I'm not a party-goer. At least, I don't have a reputation of being one. Also, it's the goddamn 11th, and college kids never plan that far ahead party-wise. Maybe a week ahead, but that's the limit. College kids have so much shit going on in their daily lives that it's hard to pay attention to anything that's not happening within the next 5 minutes.

As I said, he keeps asking me. And, not only is he asking me, but he says things like, "Don't keep this stuff from me, Peter! I know you!" Great. Now I have to deal with this. Not to mention that his accusation is clearly unfounded. I don't keep information from the guy, he just annoys me to no end. It's not my fault that he has this ability to make people dislike him so much. I'm not doing anything to keep him out of the loop, I simply don't know what's going on. And, it's too early to know anyway.

I'm dressing up as Alan from "The Hangover" for Halloween. I have a really sweet beard and I know where to get all the costume items. It just kinda sucks, though, because now that I have a beard, people keep saying I look like Zach Galifianakis. And I don't at all, it's just they say it because of the beard and nothing else. I used to look like Seth Rogen, and now Zach Galifianakis. Is that bad? Not really, but if you had every single person you talk to come up and say the exact same thing for weeks on end, you'd get sick of hearing it. I came into some relief today because my roommate said I don't look like either. He said maybe Seth Rogen, but not really. I was so happy for like 13 minutes. Anyway, on Halloween, I won't have to worry about people saying I look like Zach Galifianakis because I will be Zach Galifianakis. Or, his character. Then the beard will go away, and hopefully I can lose some weight and just be Peter. That would be super great forever.

I am now a writer of raps. It's really crazy, because this semester seems I'm all about being a writer. Writing short films, writing songs, writing music, writing rap. It's weird, this evolution I'm going through in college. Pretty sweet, though. My friends and I are thinking about recording a bunch of stuff and making a mixtape out of it. We'll see what happens.

I still haven't seen "Inception" or any other movie that I really want to effing see because I have no money. I'm getting paid in a few days, but the money is mostly going to my costume. If I have any left over, then maybe I'll go see something super awesome.

Girls girls girls. They're everywhere. Did you know that? Now you do, and knowing is half the crump.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

ANOTHER BLINK-182 BLOG GEEZ WTF

Yes, I'm posting another blog about Blink-182. Don't worry. I won't gloat over how much I enjoy them (both as a band and individually). This post is actually more of a complaint/realization. Please read on.

You see, I've been a fan of Blink-182 for a long time. I don't remember that exact day I started listening to them, but I have been a fan for 10 years. It's been a long time, for sure. A lot has happened since their humble beginnings in San Diego.

When I started listening to them in middle school, my friends hated them. Very few, if any, of my friends liked Blink-182 (or any other pop punk band out at the time). Every time I wore a Blink shirt to school, I had at least one conversation with someone about the validity of my musical tastes. Now, I admit that my tastes at the time were less than satisfactory (Limp Bizkit, need I say more?), but hey, the music spoke to me at the time. And inherent within liking any type of music is haters.

But, when Blink-182 was at the forefront of pop-punk popularity, I remember EVERYONE hating on them. It was either my straight-punk friends who regarded them as "posers", or my metal-esque friends who said I was a pussy because I listened to them, or pretty much anyone else I knew saying "No, you're wrong for liking them." I literally did not know anyone who liked them.

But I did. I loved their fast music, laughed at their potty-mouthed antics, and really listened to their sometimes-joking, sometimes-thought provoking lyrics. They were the first band I really started listening to and following, and I'd be damned if 20 or so people were gonna tell me that the music I was listening to didn't mean something to me. When everyone kept their stance and rode the "WE HATE BLINK" bandwagon, I took a metaphorical leap off that wagon and started walking to the nearest Dude Ranch with nothing but a cowboy hat and boots. I walked through high school like that, too. Metaphorically, I add again.

But really, it was kinda like walking around naked with others pointing and laughing at you. At least I had a metaphorical cowboy hat.

Anyway, I stayed a fan, and waited for what felt like forever during their hiatus. Then, in February 2009, I was ecstatic to find out that my favorite band of all time was back in action, ready to go on a new tour and release a new album. But, something was weird. It seemed like everybody was also ecstatic.

Huh? What happened since my years in high school? What happened to the people who were hating on me? All of a sudden, Blink-182 was everybody's favorite band! Now, don't take this as a stab at Mark, Tom, or Travis. I love them with all my heart! But it's odd, isn't it? For someone who has known nothing but people who are anti-Enema for years and years to suddenly be surrounded by people who enjoy Taking Off Their Pants and Jacket? What happened?

Well, I know what happened. Many things happened. Those so-called "friends" from middle school on grew up. I moved to Northern California and started hanging out with people who actually liked me back and enjoyed what I enjoyed. Blink's sound matured, too. It certainly seemed to be going that way when they released their self-titled album shortly before their hiatus.

The point is that nothing was wrong, of course. In fact, things were right. I found that the band I loved and cherished, the band that made me want to start playing music, those three guys from San Diego, were just as awesome as I knew they were when I was 12. In true punk rock fashion, I did not let others perception of what was cool and what was not get me down. It seems that things have changed for the better, and I'm all for it!

Hey, Blink-182 is a great band. You should listen to them sometime.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Best Idea in 2010 #1

Hollister and Abercrombie & Fitch are like clubs, yeah? In their disctinctly-smelling retail stores, they've got their bright colorful clothes and dance music pumping out their stereos all day. They should really have their own retail dance clubs. Admittance is granted to those wearing Hollister/Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirts. If you don't have one, you must trade in the shirt you're wearing for the duration of your stay. In addition to being a bar/dance club, there are also Hollister/Abercrombie products sold there.

This would open the door to nothing at all. It would just get all those people in one place at the same time. Then they could just be there, away from me. Good night!

Friday, January 1, 2010

2009: A Year in Mem-BORE-iam

Yes, I know, and clever title. You only get the highest quality here at PAS.

2009. What an effing year it was for me. For some reason, the good seemed to go hand in hand with the bad through the entire year, even for people that weren't me! I want to go ahead and list a couple of things that made this year incredible and incredibly stupid. I'll start with the bad, which I don't usually talk about. I figure no one's gonna read this anyway.

BAD THINGS
• I had not one, but TWO possible relationships go down the gutter and become nothing. The first one involved someone at school, the second one involved someone at home. The first one involved a girl that ended up going for another guy within a week, and the other involved a girl who pretended to be someone else online in order to "get to know me better". Take a guess at which one I now hate forever.
• I lost some friends over some pretty unimportant things. At least in my eyes. Friendships I truly wanted to keep. I know we can't control how people will feel about us, but it just sucks to know that somewhere someone dislikes or even hates you over something trivial.
• I had to pay quite a large sum for a friend's computer repair because it was broken on the set of a short that I was directing. It sucked mostly because of the money. The guy is super cool and we had a good discussion about what happened. I lost another friend in the process, though.
• My grandmother died. The first close relative I've had pass away. It was a real traumatic experience, and I'm still upset about it. I also have to see my grandfather, who I know is having a very hard time dealing with it. It hurts very much.
• 2009 saw a great many important people pass. Actress Farrah Fawcet, musician and inventor Les Paul, actress Brittany Murphy (still can't believe it), politician Ted Kennedy, musician DJ AM, musician James "The Rev" Sullivan, and, of course, Michael Jackson. Their passings, along with many others this year, were a shock to all who knew and revered them, and it definitely had a deep effect on me.
• My brother and I have become far removed from each other. He has become this other person who I barely know and never get to speak to on a personal level. He just goes and hangs out with friends and smokes pot and my parents and I have to deal with his overly rebellious bullshit every single day.

GOOD THINGS
• I became crazy involved in the theater department at San Jose State University. In the Spring, I made my theater debut and played an old war veteran in a Clue-esque production called "Murder Mystery" it was so fun! Next was 3-Day Plays, in which short one-act plays were written, cast, directed, and acted in front of an audience in 3 days. Pretty insane. I was in two. In the Fall, I took part in a staged reading of a brand new play, and I got cast as a LEAD and a major role in two plays! That is super crazy.
• I discovered a wonderful band known as All Time Low. They are pretty awesome, and their guitarist Jack is a huge Less Than Jake fan. They are awesome and I suggest checking them out.
• I learned about and became a cult follower of a film called "The Room", one of the worst films ever made. I now own it on DVD, own a shirt, and have both attended and co-hosted a screening of it. All this year.
• I got to see The Mighty Mighty Bosstones in Anaheim, one of the greatest ska bands to still be alive and going strong.
• I got to see Journey live in concert for free. That in and of itself is amazing. Top 5 Moments of 2009 automatically for sure.
• I was lucky enough to see my all-time favorite band Blink-182 take the stage and perform again since their hiatus in 2004. Twice. It was so amazing and fulfilling, I almost cried. It should also be known that I spent more money on merchandise on that first show than any other concert in my life. $211!
• I went to some concerts that I would have normally not gone to, namely two metal shows. One for the band Slipknot, and the other for the animated band Dethklok. Both were some of the most intense, fun, energetic shows I've ever been too. I look forward to expanding my musical horizons in 2010.
• I started writing more for film. I even adapted a funny blog post into a play script!
• I officially started a band that is in the process of writing and recording amazing songs that will be spread throughout the world. We are called Time To Renew. I play guitar and sing. It is a dream come true.

All of this is just what I can remember right now, in the wee hours of New Year's Day.

Now, this post is called "2009: A Year in Mem-BORE-iam", but really 2009 can't be categorized as good or bad for me. It sucked and it was awesome. It was literally a 50/50 year for me. It certainly wasn't boring.

Bad or good, though, 2009 has come and gone. It is the dawn of a new decade (literally), and we all need to let 2009 stay back and not get in the way! With this new decade comes new decisions and new goals that we all want to accomplish. I think that now is the time to take a hold on life and GIVE IT ALL YOU CAN. I don't know about you, but I am excited as hell to get this new decade rolling.

"Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year. And I'm so sick of watching all the minutes pass as I go nowhere. This is my reaction to everything I fear, and I've been going crazy. I don't want to waste another minute here."

Happy New Year, everyone. And good luck to all.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Twilight's Love Affair With the MTV Movie Awards (And Other Ranting at Said Movie Awards)

I really can't think of a clever way to start this blog post, so I'll just go right into it.

For those of you who, like me, refuse to set eye on anything MTV is offering up nowadays (and has for the past 8 years), they had their Movie Awards two days ago. I actually had some interest in watching the proceedings because Andy Samberg, my newest male love interest, was hosting. One of the men behind such comedic gems as "I'm On A Boat", "Jizz In My Pants", and "Lazy Sunday" hosting an MTV-made show. Right away, you can see the tension between each. Mr. Samberg is a comedic genius, and MTV-made shows are not funny. Ever. I eventually forgot the date and missed it.

My college friend, Vicky, texted me the night of the awards, beginning with an inside joke I didn't get. She informed me of a medley of Lonely Island songs sung by LeAnn Rimes and Chris Isaak and others, and I gained interest. But, I didn't see my remote anywhere in my immediate surroundings, and so I didn't switch on my MTV. Mostly because I still didn't want it.

She talked of other skits that, in text form, still sounded hilarious, and so I decided I would, at some point, catch a rerun. I regret that decision for all time.

First off, before I even get into my Twilight rant, let me say this. I don't know how much influence Andy Samberg had in the writing process, but there are clear parts of the show where it's very funny and very not funny, and the funny parts all include him. The jokes just... weren't funny. You could see punchlines coming a mile away. And, even though there were good jokes, it didn't matter much because the audience "refused" to get any of them, instead screaming at innappropriate times.

I should point out that 85% of the audience seemed to be 16 to 16 1/2-year old girls.

Now, also for those who don't know, the movie "Twilight" basically swept the show, taking away 5 of the 10 awards, including "Best Movie." I'm not counting "Best WTF Moment" because that award was clearly invented for no reason at all. My question to the world, at first, was, "Why? Why let this clearly sub-standard film take the glory for things it clearly cannot take the glory for?" It made no sense to me. But then, it hit.

Why would Twilight win against films such as "The Dark Knight"? Such as "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"? Such as... "Slumdog Millionaire"? That's right, it won over Slumdog Millionaire. That was what made me realize why MTV gave so many awards to "Twilight". They wanted to make a funny.

As you know, "Slumdog Millionaire" swept the Academy Awards, taking 8 of the 10 awards it was nominated for. Best Picture, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay... all of them and more. So, to make a funny out of it, MTV goes, "Hey! Why don't we have a really bad movie sweep our awards! That'll be so funny!" And so, Twilight wins 5 out of 10. Well, that's my theory anyway. I think it's good regardless, because anyone who says "Twilight" was a better movie than "Slumdog Millionaire" is a GODDAMNED MORON.

Goodnight all.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Greatest Way To (Almost) End The Semester

At the request of those involved, names have been changed. Everything else is true and fabulous.

So, on May 19th, I was doing a buttload of editing work at the TV studio in my film building. I was there since about 11 in the morning, either ripping DVDs to edit or editing. My friend Max showed up to hang out for a bit at around 4, and we ended up beginning to watch Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (one of the funniest bad movies ever created) while the ripping continued. My other friend, Chuck, was also busy editing together a reel for a movie audition he had that day. He occasionally asked me to help out, and I obliged because I am an editing master.

My other friend Marj showed up a little after 6:30 to hang out. I was almost done making a final DVD rip before calling it a day, and we all started talking about this awesome hang out spot Max and I found just a few streets down in downtown San Jose. It was this spot right next to this nice hotel and the San Jose Museum of Art, a little pool with three fountains in it. It was sick, and was apparently where, earlier that day, Max had taken a lady friend to and proceeded to woo her. We all wanted to hang out after I was done, and when that time came, we picked up our bags and headed out.

We decided before we actually stepped off the campus that we were just going to get food, and by "we," I mean "Marj and Chuck". Max and I tagged along, as did our film friend Ray. We went to this philly cheesesteak place, they got some food, and we started conversing. Max and I reminisced about the Mortal Kombat movie and how the second one sucked ass and balls. A note for all filmmakers: if you make a sequel and don't want it to suck automatically out of the gates, keep the same actors!!! Some other film friends spotted us as they crossed the street outside and stopped by to say hello. One was the director of the movie that Chuck auditioned for (he had already done it at this point), and the director complimented him on it! After food, Ray parted ways with us. We thought about checking out the fountain spot, but we decided there was really only one thing to do: Rock Band.

Previously, only Max, Marj, and I have played together. We've talked about making a four-piece, and we have an unofficial "member", but we have only really played as a trio. Chuck stepped up to the plate and was our bass player of the night. We picked nothing but 90s songs and had a damn blast. Except for "Wanted Dead or Alive" and "Epic", but we always choose those songs because they're effing sick. Well, I always choose "Epic". Anyway, we played 13 songs total, probably 45 to 50 minutes of playing time. Afterwards, and before we headed back out again, Max and I unveiled the first 10 minutes of "The Room" on Chuck and Marj. If you haven't heard of it, I suggest putting that internet machine to good use and finding out. You will die from inability to breathe because you'll be laughing so hard.

While outside, Marj got a call from his girlfriend and wanted to rent some movies. We headed over to Blockbuster on the other side of campus. It was about 10:20 when we got there, and it was closed. We decided to head back towards my dorm and figure out what else to do. Marj said his girlfriend was gonna be with her friends back at my dorm building, so off we went back across campus.

When we crossed the street from the Blockbuster to campus, we started discussing this recent, f-ed up news article Max had read that morning. Basically, this idiot in Bakersfield was on PCP and, for some strange reason I cannot grasp for the life of me, ate his son's eye out and damaged the other one severely. I could not effing deal with this story properly. The information I received from it was too much for my brain to handle, and I couldn't take it. Then, he mentioned another story about this rapper named Big Lurch who, when on PCP, killed this girl and ate her lungs. My brain is officially down for the count. Then, out of nowhere, this guy walking his bike totally heard our story and confirmed it, first by confirming that the rapper's name was indeed Big Lurch. He started talking about how he tried PCP, and he thought that "it was so boring" (actual quote). He talked about how he had killed brain cells and the ones that were left must've been "well hardy" (more actual quote). We stopped walking and let him go on.

So, to help cope, we made bad puns about it. Max had read about it on this forum and was reading us the replies, most of which were bad puns, such as:
- "Feast your eyes upon the effects of drug use."
- "Eye feel sorry for that kid."
- "An eye for an eye is what this man deserves."
I know, pretty f-ed up. But, despite that, all of us laughed at it. And, we tried to think of crazier ones on the way back to my dorm building. Max gets the award for best ones, although I can't for the life of me remember any of them.

We arrive back in my building and decide to play some ping pong. I check out the stuff and walk over, only to find that the tables are completely taken up by other people (one happening to be this really awesome girl I know and like). Then, suddenly, Marj is no longer with us in the ping pong room, but outside it talking to his GF. We go outside to talk to them, and we discover she is trying to convince him to dye part of his hair purple. He doesn't want to do it. She immediately turns to me:

GF: Peter Awesome, do you want to dye your hair purple?
Me: What? Naw, I like my hair.
GF: Not all of it, just part of it.
Me: Well, it sounds interesting...
GF: You're going to do it now.
Me: Yes.

So we head back up to hear friend's room and I get some purple dye squeezed on me from some cheap-looking bottle. Everyone else has plastic around their hair color, but I have to hold a paper towel to my head. Awesome. While I wait, GF decides to break out this game called Catch Phrase. For those who don't know, it is basically a word-guessing game. You get a word or phrase or character and you have to get your teammates to say it, but you have to describe it without using the word itself. It can get pretty tough. And, we had a blast playing it. The girls started leaving part way through, and soon it was just Marj and I vs. Max and Chuck. I think it was a draw. I eventually got to throw away the paper towel, and the girls and I took a picture of are newly-destroyed hair! Picture soon.

After all these antics, Marj, Chuck, Max and I were all beat. We decided that we would call it a night and I walked all the guys downstairs. Hugs and goodnights, it was indeed the end of the night.

I was very happy that night. Goddamn, I was happy.